How to Avoid Assisted Living or a Nursing Home

 A friend sent me this missive in an email. I just had to share it.

NO NURSING HOME FOR US No nursing  home for us. We are checking into the Holiday Inn

With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old & feeble. We have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night.

That leaves  $138.77 a day for: Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities  and special TV movies. Plus, they provide  a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.   Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They treat you  like a customer, not a patient. There is a city bus stop out front,  and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a church bus on  Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.   While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.   It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.   And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii ? They have a Holiday Inn there too. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They  fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.     The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance.   If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grand kids can use the pool. What more can you ask for? So, when we reach that golden age, We'll face it with a grin. Just forward all our email to:   The Holiday Inn!